I wrote our family rules down.
Monday night we had a pizza party picnic on the floor and I explained the rules and the chores chart.
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| read day - ready for the next day |
At the end of the day the stars are added to each persons monthly grand total.
Stars can be used for privileges such as TV time and computer time.
30 min. of TV - 1 star (there is a maximum of 1-2 stars a day)
15 min. of computer time (the older three will play starfall and go to disney.org for games) - 1 star
At the end of the month we will choose an activity: Swimming, movie, jump house...etc. and each child has to have 20 stars in order to go. Activities that we normally do...but now they are having to earn them
Thus far in the past 3 days, my children have watched a grand total of 30 min. of TV. Syd even less than that.
They haven't been on their computer at all.
Sydney has been early to school for 3 days. (15-20 minutes early)
Cam had a hard day yesterday and only earned 1 star, but I told him today is a new day and he could earn 3 stars easy.
Rules
This is one that I now see where I was failing. My follow through was HORRIBLE. I know this because my entire 1st day was spent following through and I never stopped. It's slowly getting better and I owe it all to follow through.
I chose to use the positive time out. The one where you just remove the child from the situation. redirect. etc. It wasn't stopping the behavior. My little boys want to cry. They need to be sat on a step and made to stay there for 3 minutes (a minute for every year that they are old)
It kills them and has almost STOPPED the physical abuse that they inflict almost non stop on each other.
The time that I've had to take away from dinner, cleaning, helping another child...etc..is horrible when you are following through and have 5 kids. Good night nurse.
But I have to say.....I can see the difference. I can see change.
Some of our rules include valuing everyone in our family. girls will be treated the same as boys.
Privacy. knocking before entering. not keeping "bad" secrets.
Respecting everyone. no name calling. no tattling unless someone is in danger. no physical abuse.
Hugging goodbye. tell the truth. joyful heart. ask for forgiveness and also give it. use manners always try our best. always know we are loved.
I took a piece of paper and a pair of scissors and yelled "you're stupid" and "I hate you" at the paper. Each time I'd cut slices into the paper. The bottom of the paper was pretty shredded and then I said, "I'm sorry paper" I looked up at my kids with a confused look and said, "it's not fixing the cuts" So I repeated "I'm sorry" several more times and finally explained that even though you say sorry...those words can't be taken back. They hurt people and sorry doesn't take them back. They shouldn't be said.
WOW this made a huge impact on my older 3. They totally get it now and I haven't heard more than 2 words since monday. HUGE PEOPLE ! HUGE !
There are rules for me and J too. Not just chores in the house but patience and caring. The no hitting rule goes for us too. Nobody in our house hits, this includes tooshey smacks and swipes to the back of the head. :) Computer time and iphone time for us is limited to nearly nothing. I'm using my time for this and that's it unil after they are asleep.
I'm trying to stick to 30 minutes through out the day. J can't get on her i-phone when she gets home until after the kids are in bed. 1 1/2 hours...she can handle it. :)
Monday night we have Family game night and Friday nights are movie night.
I'm back to using my 1-2-3 magic book. (I haven't checked out the DVD yet) and mixed with the written rules and follow through it's working it's magic.
(sigh)
This is MUCH harder people. Much harder than sitting on my buttocks or doing my house work and screaming at my kids for being nightmares.
I have a hopefully heart and no more time allowed for the computer.
Wish us all luck !
